yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
