I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
