i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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