i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
