I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
