My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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