It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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