I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
