So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
