A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
