She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
