even my farts smell like vagina
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
