you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
