some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
