I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
