I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
