why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
