Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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