He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
