So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
