He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
