Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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