Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
