woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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