i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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