You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
