Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
