I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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