We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
