Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
