Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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