It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
