so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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