I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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