if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
