are you still at the devil's house?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
