OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
