i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
