My friends, they love my intelligence
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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