The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
