Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
