ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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