i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
