Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
