My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
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i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
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just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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