i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
