ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So I just went to clothing optional bar
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
