Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
