so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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