after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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