I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
