LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
