I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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