Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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