I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I need a beard to bite.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
