Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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