I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it was like eating out sand paper
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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