In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
