did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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