you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
