Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
