508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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